Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Dirty Girl Run

Don't let the title of this post deceive you, it's not anything naughty, I promise! Been working out and focusing on my diet a lot more this year and have successfully lost 23lbs (woo hoo!) I've always been slightly envious of all those skinny girls I'd see jogging every morning in their cute lil sports bras and yoga pants and bitching about how they probably don't even make yoga pants in my size (ok, really envious.)

A few friends of mine recently posted on facebook about how they completed their first 5k's and then 10k's and it shocked me how much I really wanted to do that too. I used to just kinda chuckle at the thought of running because I have NEVER been a runner. Even when I was really athletic (we're going ways back here) and doing gymnastics religiously, I would never go running or jogging. I was in great shape then but I never had the endurance for it and therefore loathed it. So one of my friends posted a link about this Dirty Girl Run that takes place on September 24th:

It looks like a lot of fun (I'm not an outdoorsy girl who enjoys mud so I'm not sure what part of me actually thinks this will be fun, but some buried part does) and contemplated signing up for it. It took me about a week to make my decision because of the following:
1) I'm overweight, not just slightly by 15lbs, but a lot
2) I didn't want to be the only girl there really out of shape despite the fact that the site says its for all fitness levels
3) Started having nightmares of being carted off on a stretcher after 1 mile of walking while all the skinny people look on in horror
4) If I made it past the mile marker without the stretcher and actually completed the 5k, I'd be the last person to finish and everyone would be waiting on me for an hour or more as news crews video tape me for their special on obesity in America.

I finally shut my crazy and delusional mind up and just forced myself to sign up for the event. Now that I've paid for it (wasn't cheap) and have told people about doing it, I can't back out. I've actually made an effort to make sure several people know about it so that I'm stuck doing it, LOL. This blog post is another one of those attempts, because if I don't do it, all 3 readers of my blog will know about my failure!

I have 2 months to prepare for it and have started with the Couch to 5k Plan. ( My first work out was today, and I will admit that I couldn't even do the alternate 60 secs of jogging with 90 secs of walking for a full 20 mins. That part lasted about 6 reps and then it went more like 45 secs of jogging and 2 minutes of walking for another 15 minutes. And by jogging, I actually mean the love child of walking and jogging (we'll call her "hobbling") I only did 2 miles, but that's better than the 0 miles I used to do.

Despite the fact that part of my butt bone hurts a bit after attempting to jog, I am really excited for this. I now have something to keep me motivated to keep working out for the next 2 months and will proudly know that I signed up and completed a 5K. I don't care if I have to walk the entire course and skip all of the obstacles, I took the plunge to sign up for it. One year ago I would never even have considered signing up for something like this. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not an active person, but I want to change that. What it means to me to actually have the courage to sign up for this event is huge because it's a mental change towards becoming healthy, something I've wanted for several years but never actually followed through with.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Still Learning

I had thought that at age 22 I knew pretty much everything about myself. I mean, I've spent 22 years with myself, I should know me pretty darn well, right? (I'm sure all the older people are laughing at my naivety right now, lol) I discovered recently that there are things I didn't know about and it makes me wonder what else there is about me that I have yet to learn.

One of the big things I discovered I had this past week is pretty strong social anxiety. I always knew I had it a tiny bit, but I didn't realize how serious it was. How exactly did I not realize this until I was 22? Well, in all other social situations that I put myself in before, I always made sure to have what I like to call a "safety person." If I didn't have a safety person, I avoided the social situation entirely. These people are the few select people in my life that I am comfortable around such as my family, my boyfriend, and one or two friends of mine. These people are also usually very social and can carry themselves around people really well. I didn't notice it but I always just attach myself to these people and feed off of them in social situations. I can do just fine having a conversation with people if my "safety" person is there. I am also okay doing it alone if it's something like a task such as promoting for work, etc that I know I need to do. If it's a planned conversation it's okay, but if it's something on a whim I don't seem to do too well unless the other person is very social and can hold the conversation pretty much by themselves while I smile and nod. If both me and the other person are not very social, the end result is to panic.

I find this interesting because I actually enjoy doing a lot of things by myself. I am very introverted and love to go to malls alone shopping, driving alone, and actually look forward to grocery shopping when I am going by myself. I have no problem smiling and asking a few questions, but I think it's because I know that nobody there is expecting me to sit and have a full conversation with them and attention isn't focused on me directly for long periods of time.

My sister and I recently met these two great ladies in Vegas and Mia suggested going out for drinks and dinner. She ended up going alone because I wanted to veg out in the hotel room and catch up on school work, but I couldn't help but think that there was no way in hell if I were in her situation that I could go alone and be comfortable going out with two random people without being incredibly anxious and nervous the entire time. Which is entirely silly because these two ladies were great.

The other thing I learned about myself is that I can express myself through writing so much better than I can verbally. Maybe this is why I enjoy blogs and have always kept a journal. I know some of the information I have posted today and may post in the future seems way too personal to be posting on an online blog, but it actually makes me feel better to get it out. Maybe it's because I don't socially discuss my feelings with people and am more comfortable with writing, but I know I've done this since I was little. I can remember a time when I was really sick as a kid and to describe my feelings, I wrote a letter to my mom because I couldn't explain it, Lol.

I've been pretty sheltered all my life, and I have a feeling now that as I grow up and venture out into the world that I am going to discover much more about myself than I ever knew. Before I could always avoid situations that made me uncomfortable, now I know I need to take baby steps towards working out these problems and overall becoming a stronger person. I can't stay a little kid forever, despite the fact that I really want to be.